The Psychology Of Forgiveness
Take time to really think about these things and write them down on a piece of paper. It helps to identify the small details before you start looking at the big picture again. Lastly, people who are not yet ready to change may find it harder to truly forgive themselves. Instead, of admitting they might need to change, they might engage in a sort of pseudo-self-forgiveness by simply overlooking or excusing their behavior.
This article’s careful but direct distinctions of the issues around reconciliation were gold dust. I’m in the UK btw so you’re helping people globally. Sometimes a bite size helps push all the other work done over a lifetime into a manageable reminder when habitual thoughts or uncertainty of how to manage thoughts arises. I find that your articles really help re-focus my mind and give a lot of hope with that – re-energising the belief in forward movement. Forgiveness will make everything be the same again. Many people think once they forgive someone everything will be beautiful, much like it was before the other person hurt them.
They went along with what they thought would be an easier path only to find that they had made things more stressful. With time, they see that not only haven’t they forgiven, but now, they are trapped by their words. After all, they have said they forgave and were moving on. They are accused of dredging up the past should they speak out, so back to isolation they go.
As you work through your healing process you find the things that bring peace and light into your life. How you feel is how you feel, and no one can dictate that to you no matter how hard he or she tries. Revisiting this article and it is just as helpful as the first time, if not more. I was really struggling with forgiving someone who had assaulted me, and feeling totally shocked, confused, and overwhelmed. Since gift of understanding it happened, though, I just want to learn how to move on with my life. It’s hard to stop ruminating and obsessing over it, questioning myself and the offender over and over again.
Ironically, other cultures have the opposite problem. They have absolutely no problem with a God that punishes evil and rewards the good. They just cannot accept a God that gives grace and forgiveness, where just by following Jesus, all your sins magically wash away, and we are made right in the eyes of God. In fact, I have many friends from asian cultures that cannot reconcile this, with their more familiar concept of karma. A father that does not discipline his children, but instead forgives them of everything, and lets them continue to ruin their lives is an irresponsible parent.